Introduction
The Book of Love
This book is dedicated to my son, Alex, whose life literally changed the face of the world of autism. His inspiration led to the creation of Future Horizons, which has become the largest publisher of autism materials in the world. Future Horizons now offers titles on autism, Asperger’s syndrome, and sensory issues in more than 40 countries and is fortunate to include among its authors many leaders in the field.
When I originally wrote Laughing and Loving with Autism some 20 years ago, I ordered 500 books to be printed. I had no confidence that the public would welcome my little book of humorous and loving stories. The low print run evidenced that. However, I did have confidence that I had many friends, and I do come from a large family. So, I felt that over the years I could push copies off on people for birthdays, Christmas, graduations, and the like. Maybe a kind friend or family member would even buy a couple.
Imagine my shock when all 500 copies sold in the first 3 days! I printed another 1,000, and they vanished in about 2 weeks. Since that first printing, more than 50,000 copies of the book have brought laughter, and maybe a few misty eyes, to people all over the world.
However, the real driver behind the book and Future Horizons is my son, Alex. Although Alex has passed away now, it is his grace, kindness, sweet personality, infectious smile, and inability to see bad in others that motivates our company to this day. We believe that when the word angel
was created, it had to be with all of the Alexes in the world in mind. Because, as wonderful as I feel my son was, his beguiling nature is shared by many who have autism. Because of those like Alex, we are gradually learning that being different is not less...and, in many ways, it can be so much more.
We should all have more of those qualities of trust, innocence, and acceptance that are shared by so many individuals who have autism. As you read this book, I hope you’ll join me and others in enjoying the unique perspectives of Alex and others like him. You will see that their view of the same world we live in is often much more accurate than ours...and we can learn from them in so many ways.
Laugh, and learn. I know I did.
Wayne
Chapter 1: Logic
People with autism have their own brand of logic. It is almost always literal, and it sometimes makes more sense than ours. For those of us that are neurotypical (without autism), these stories show the logic we may miss in everyday situations.
Note: My contributions to the book that include my experiences with Alex will appear in this typeface.
After several years of working hard with my son Michael, he was finally doing fairly well fitting into the community. For his 11th birthday, I took him with me to the bakery to let him order his cake himself, with the cartoon characters he preferred. He did really well answering questions, like what cake flavor, frosting color, and filling he wanted. He pressed his face up against the glass as he surveyed the options. I could tell he was losing patience, though, when the lady working at the bakery asked him what he wanted the cake to say. He looked up at her and replied, Are you crazy? Cakes can’t talk! Just give me that one!
Leah Devulder, California
One day, I was surprised to see that Alex came to dinner with no socks on.
Alex, you’re barefoot,
I said. You can’t come to dinner like that. At least put on some socks.
But, Dad, if I drop food, I’ll get my socks dirty!
Sometimes Alex’s logic
is difficult to counter.
I may have ruined a perfectly good learning moment by bursting out laughing during the following conversation:
Me: Grace, honey, if I were you, I’d be more grateful than that.
Grace’s sister: Yeah, I would be grateful if I were you!
Grace (ever literal): No you wouldn’t, because you’d be me.
Bobbi Sheahan, author of What I Wish I’d Known
about Raising a Child with Autism, Texas
My son Jason asked his bald father when he was going to grow more hair on his head. His dad tried to explain that he had had hair once, but it fell out and he wouldn’t be able to grow any more. For a brief second, Jason looked confused. Then he looked down at his father’s arms and hands and, confident that he had figured out the loss, said, It’s okay, Dad—it fell on your arms!
Jean Jasinski, Colorado
Doing his best unintended imitation of Jack Nicholson from the movie Five Easy Pieces, one day Alex set a waitress back a bit by saying, I’ll have a ham and cheese sandwich—with no ham and no cheese!
My younger brother Jimmy has autism. I have Asperger’s syndrome, so I can relate to him having special interests that are very important to him. This means I’m the one he e-mails when he wants a certain toy or object related to an interest. For instance, he currently holds a strong fascination with everything Disney. Jimmy e-mailed me with one such detailed request several years ago. He wanted a Bambi toy, but it had to be the grown-up, adult Bambi figure from the direct-to-DVD movie Bambi II.
He and my parents had had no luck at all finding one, so it was up to me. The first thing I learned is that if you go to Google search for adult Bambi toy,
you do not get links to stuff Disney sells. After a few tweaks to my search methods, I managed to find exactly one figurine of the grown-up Bambi. It was a delicate and expensive piece of china, however, and not at all suitable.
I e-mailed Jimmy to let him know that, unfortunately, there was only one grown-up Bambi figure available and it was just too expensive to get.
He e-mailed me back promptly: I’m sorry that Bambi as a grown-up is too expensive for you to buy. Maybe you could take an extra job mowing lawns or delivering pizzas to get more money.
But that’s not all. Our whole family is riddled with Asperger’s and autism traits. I called my mom to tell her that Jimmy’s response to my e-mail had been to advise me to take an extra job or two to make more money, to which she responded, That’s so great! He understands where money comes from!
My husband, upon hearing about this, said, "You know, if you got a riding mower, you could mow lawns and deliver pizza at the same time and get paid for both."
Note: Yes, it was eventually explained to Jimmy that it is inappropriate to ask someone to take an extra job to buy him presents.
Jennifer McIlwee Myers, Aspie At Large and author
of How to Teach Life Skills to Kids with Autism and
Asperger’s, California
My daughter Anne Marie plans to take care of me in my old age and has announced this to the staff at her group home, the Jay Nolan Center. She was recently very irritated with her roommate and hit her on the head with a book.
After being reprimanded, she got quiet and then remarked to a staff member, Maybe I shouldn’t take care of my mom when she’s old, after all.
Margaret Pothoff, California
One day, our son Buzz showed us his own unique application of the word autism. I was driving with Buzz in the back seat, and we passed a bank with an electric sign out front. It was a scrolling sign that featured a thought or an ad, as many companies do. Suddenly, Buz shouted, Look, Dad! That sign has autism!
I turned to see that it was saying, over and over, Have a...
, Have a...
, Have a...
Ray Grabman, Oklahoma
My son Ryan is now 12. About 3 years ago, he became fascinated with ages. (I think he knows the ages of most people in our small town.) One day he asked, How many years ago was Daddy 16?
I replied, Many years ago.
How many?
Many.
Well, was that before Jesus was born?
Kathi Kopyn, California
We were dressing up for Halloween, and I was concerned that my son didn’t understand that this was an act—and not real. I don’t think I got through to him. I dressed as a witch, and he was supposed to be a tiger. He was patient with the process, but his attitude toward me seemed to change as I put on the last touches of my makeup. I knew he wasn’t clear on what was happening when he suddenly brightened with an idea, ran to the corner where we kept the broom, thrust it at me, and said, Okay, now fly!
Offered in an Autism Society of America
conference workshop, author unknown
I am a speech therapist at the Sherwood Center in Kansas City. A couple of incidents always make me chuckle when I think of them.
A class of our older students with autism was copying a poem entitled February Twilight
from the chalkboard. When asked, What does ‘twilight’ mean?
one of the boys replied, It’s a zone!
Another time, the kids in my classroom were drawing faces. Draw some eyes,
I said. So, one of my boys drew this:
Julie Thomas, Missouri
Alex and I were sharing some cookies. I started playing around with him, and I told him to look at that monster over there.
When he did, I took one of his cookies.
He caught on quickly, or so I thought, and was enjoying the game.
Then, to my delight, he told me to look away. When I did, with a smile, he reached up, took one of his own cookies, and hid it.
Travis is 13 years old, but his psychologist says that his emotional and mental age is between 5 and 7 years old. Travis has even told me before that he doesn’t feel like he’s 13. One day, Travis and I had this conversation:
Travis: I am almost 13, and I think I will have another growth spurt.
Mom: Do you feel like you’re almost 13?
Travis: No.
Mom: How old do you feel?
Travis: Six.
Mom: Why?
Travis: MOOMMMM!!! I have AUTISM!!!
Jenn Alvey, Utah
One day, my husband and I were talking about a friend of ours who was having a hard time with her United States visa papers and may have to return to her native land. Our son Matthew was very close with this friend, since she often babysat for us. When he heard that she was having trouble with immigration, Matthew solved
the problem.
Why don’t you just pay her Visa bill so she can stay?
Sherry and Mitch Anscher, North Carolina
Alex had two favorite meals: bacon cheeseburgers and fettuccini Alfredo. He ate reasonably well, but he did have limits on the parameters of his culinary choices. One day I asked him if he liked bananas. Obviously giving me a fast answer to shut me up, Alex quickly said, Yes, I do.
I prepared cereal with bananas for him, which he promptly pushed away with a look of something approaching disgust. Alex, you just said that you liked bananas. What’s the problem?
I asked, in my best semi-patient parent voice. Alex replied with a logic I wouldn’t have dared try on my parents: "I said I like bananas, but I don’t like to eat them!"
Jason decided this year that because his 6-year-old sister has loose teeth that will fall out, this means his balding father must have loose hair.
Sounds right.
Jean Jasinski, Colorado
Because Alex loved music, I took him to concerts whenever time and finances allowed. We went to rock concerts, like Nelson, Paula Abdul, and Janet Jackson. However, I also took him to hear the music of Andrew Lloyd Weber, Oklahoma, the Everly Brothers, and Wayne Newton, so he got a real variety.
However, the concert he probably enjoyed most was Janet Jackson. About 4 months after the concert, as we passed by a newsstand, I noticed a headline stating that Ms Jackson had fallen and been injured and was unable to perform. I was curious as to how Alex would respond to this unfortunate news as I pointed it out to him.
He left me standing with my mouth open as he read the headline and walked away, saying, That’s okay, Dad, we’ve already seen her show.
Recently, I took my son for a checkup at the doctor. During the visit, the nurse rather clinically handed my son a bottle and informed him that she needed to collect a urine sample.
